FRANKLYWNOW - Women Are From Venus

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Women Are From Venus

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus is a book written by American author, and relationship counselor, John Gray. The book has sold more than 50 million copies and according to CNN it was the "highest ranked work of nonfiction" of the 1990s and spent 121 weeks on the bestseller list. The book and its central metaphor have become a part of popular culture and the foundation for the author's subsequent books, recordings, seminars, theme vacations, one-man Broadway show and TV sitcom.

The book asserts that most of common relationship problems between men and women are a result of fundamental differences between the genders, which the author exemplifies by means of the book's eponymous metaphor: that men and women are from distinct planets – men from Mars and women from Venus – and that each gender is acclimated to its own planet's society and customs, but not those of the other. One example from this paradigm is the book's assertion that men complain that if they try to offer solutions to problems that women want to talk about, women do not necessarily want to find solutions but only want to talk about these problems. The book asserts that each gender can be understood in terms of distinct ways they respond to stress and stressful situations.

The book asserts that most of common relationship problems between men and women are a result of fundamental differences between the genders, which the author exemplifies by means of the book's eponymous metaphor: that men and women are from distinct planets – men from Mars and women from Venus – and that each gender is acclimated to its own planet's society and customs, but not those of the other. One example from this paradigm is the book's assertion that men complain that if they try to offer solutions to problems that women want to talk about, women do not necessarily want to find solutions but only want to talk about these problems. The book asserts that each gender can be understood in terms of distinct ways they respond to stress and stressful situations.

Another major idea in Gray's books are the differences he believes operate in terms of the way the genders react under stress. He believes that many men withdraw until they find a solution to the problem. He refers to this as "retreating into their cave". In some cases they may literally retreat, for example, to the garage or spend time with friends. The point of retreating is to take time to determine a solution. In these "caves", men (writes Gray) are not necessarily focused on the problem at hand; many times this is a "time-out" of sorts to allow them to distance themselves from the problems so their brains can focus on something else. Gray posits that this allows them to revisit the problem later with a fresh perspective.
 
Gray holds that this retreat into the cave has historically been hard for women to understand because when they are stressed their natural reaction is to talk about issues (even if talking does not solve the problem). This leads to a natural dynamic of the man retreating as the woman tries to grow closer. According to Gray this becomes a major source of conflict between women and men.
 
The "wave" is a term Gray uses to describe a natural cycle for women that is centered around their abilities to give to other people. He claims that when they feel full of love and energy to give to others their wave is in a stable place. When they give to others (and don't receive the same amount of love and attention in return) their wave begins to grow until it eventually crashes. This is a time when a woman needs the love, listening, understanding and reassurance of those around her (including self-love). Gray holds that once she is rejuvenated (by getting the support she needs) she is able to rise like a wave and once again has love and energy to give. Men, advised Gray, must support this natural cycle by not being threatened by it or telling her why she should not feel this way.

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